Monday, January 31, 2011

i'm happy!

thinspo quote :
i want to be so thin, light, airy, that....
... when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind
... when i walk across the snow, i will not leave any footprints 
... i can dance between the raindrops in a downpour. 

daaay twelve!
hello ladies! :)
fifteen followers - oh . my . goodness.
also, sorry i've been lacking on commenting back. i have read all your lovely comments, and thank you for all of your support , it makes me feel so much better about myself!

i have so much to tell you! so lets start!
-- i met a guy :) we went out last night...just driving around at first, then we parked the car, made out and did some other stuff. i actually felt a connection with him, like a spark. i felt so amazing being with him, it was the best feeling ever. i'm happy for the first time in a long time. i love this feeling.
on friday, he's taking me to re-write my learners for my drivers licence, he also said he would teach me to drive. it's about fucking time i got my licence. i'm eighteen for crying out loud. i really really hope i pass! and hopefully i can go for my full before i go home on spring break! -- i think i am finally over M.
-- TY's mom and I were talking when she drove me back to residence last night. she's taking a skiing trip one of these weekends coming up, and is letting me house sit for her! i'll have the house all to myself, and finally get some 'me' time. i'll probably end up hopefully hanging out with M maybe and T, they are the only people there i am really good friends with besides TY. or, i'm thinking of asking the new guy to come over one night! oh. my. goodness. i am so excited. i cannot wait for that weekend.
-- it's a new week. spring break is coming up. i am starting to question myself and this whole dieting, fasting thing. do i really want to do it? deep down inside i do. i just need some inspiration, some thinpiration . i really can do it! i can. i just have to keep trying. i can't give up. i can't. i can't. i can't.
-- i love this feeling. i love being happy. i can't remember the last time i felt like this.
remember : thin is in!
loveee you ladies :)
ps, tomorrow blog will have thinspo pictures --- i promise. i'm just in the process of finding some new ones !

Sunday, January 30, 2011

a new start

thinspo quote:
you can't be small, if you eat it all. 

daaay eleven!
-- i must of gained ten fucking pounds this weekend. ugh. i ate sooo much. i don't know why. i just ate.
this means i mustn't go to TY'S house on until after spring break. just like my thinspo quote today says:
you can't be small, if you eat it all. 
-- i went to walmart and bought a bunch of those 100 calories snack things. i love to snack, and when i am not fasting, instead of just binging all the time, if i eat one of the 100 calorie things, then i won't want to binge eat all the time, and it will control my amount of calories consumed.
- my 'thin drawer' is getting fuller, and i am getting fatter. -- not fun. i will never get to wear all the pretty spring clothes i have in there. i must not eat. i can't eat.
-- i need some inspiration. i don't think i can do this. it's so hard. i'll keep trying though.
-- sorry i've been gone so long. i haven't been feeling like posting cause i've been eating.
lots of love , stay strong
--- julia xoxo

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

binged--when will i ever be thin?

thinspo quote-
don't wish for it, work for it.

daaaay seven , 
i fucking hate B. i hate her for making me go down to the cafeteria with her. i am never going in that place ever again. -- that should solve my problems with bingeing. i feel horrible. i can't believe i let you girls down. i was doing so so great. i hadn't eating anything until now. i could have made myself a salad, but no-- i went straight for the grill, getting myself a bacon cheeseburger and mozza sticks, as well as two cookies and ice cream--fuccccck! -- i feel so bad, i feel like i am letting all you ladies down :(
punishment -- FASTING! -- for the next two days. maybe even saturday too, have any of you ladies ever fasted for three days? -- no eat whatever i want day sunday. all i can have is a salad.
-- this weekend is going to be really really hard-- i'm probably going to TY's house. i always eat so much when i'm there. -- not anymore i guess haha.  i promise i'll try my hardest. i promise that if i have to eat i'll eat healthy or very very little. i will try very very very hard not to binge.
--back to B. i am un-best-friending her. i think i mentioned something to her about buying all my clothes a size to small, because she said 'if you keep buying them to small, soon you'll have no clothes to wear, and they would look good because you have a big chest'.
fuccck her. they will look good. i will be skinny--eventually. i will. i will. i'll show her. when i'm pretty and when she's a fat cow, i'll just laugh. laugh in her face--cause i'll have clothes that fit me when i'm thin. i won't have to worry about buying new ones.
blah. what a shitty day--
sorry i failed today.
bones are beautiful -- so starve on!


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

i will not eat.

thinspo quote:
skip dinner and be thinner

daaay six!
--i skipped breakfast, lunch and dinner, so hopefully soon i'll be thinner!
helloo ladies,
k so, i'm waiting for A to skype me! i haven't talked to her in forever. i really miss my not annoying best friend. -- speaking of annoying best friends, B is really starting to piss me off. sometimes i wonder why i either bother to be friends with her. she makes me seem really dumb whenever we are out in public. ugh.
we took the bus home from the mall last night. we had to take one that we weren't used to taking because we didn't want to wait an hour for the one we usually take. B was all like 'omg, we are so going to get lost. if we don't make it home in time for my boyfriend to call me, i really hope we don't get lost.'  i said to myself you gotta be fucking kidding me, and told her i took the bus before and not to worry, we won't get lost. -- once on the bus she was like 'if this is the wrong bus, let me find our way home next time'
like seriously? she's fucking pissing me off.
*end of rant.
-- when we were at the mall i found out i had more money in my account than i thought i did, so i went shopping, also we went to go see Country Strong. -- it's an amazing movie! i cried so hard. ahahaha.
haven't eaten anything yet! woohoo! -- i also actually did some homework, but didn't get to the gym, oh well.
since i am buying clothes a size too small, i made a thin drawer in my dresser--for clothes and things such as make up and nail polish , that i can only use when i reach my goal weight. -- it's so going to be worth it when i get there.
also , one more thing, i made kind of a meal plan-- sundays are the day where i just binge. i can eat anything i want--as much as i want.
then, for the rest of the week, i fast and only eat veggies and fruit, and salad , and cottage cheese.
--if i find out i am gaining weight from sundays, i'll fast all seven days of the week.
sorry this post is sooo long!,
think thin, stay stong.
- julia .
here's some thinspo :

Monday, January 24, 2011

thinking thin!

thinspo quote:
i cannot wait until i'm perfect, you'll be fucking sorry the next time you see me

daaay five?
oh. my. goodness. what a great day so far-despite the coldness. it's FREEZING here. this morning the weather said it was -49*C with the wind chill--what. the. fuck.
when i got back from volunteering i told K not to go outside. i don't want to go out again today. except i have to--sigh. if i want to stick to this gym thing then i got to bundle up and go outside and take that oh so short walk (which seems much longer) to the gym.
i feel thin today! have any of you ladies ever woke up feeling amazing? i seriously can't stop smiling. i can't wait to step on the scale at the gym. hopefully i won't get two depressed when i see the numbers--who knows maybe they might be good.
also, being thin is all i think about. every minute, every second of the day. god. i can't wait until i reach 100 pounds.
i was visiting M at the hospital yesterday. while i was there his new roommate had a heart attack and died. have you every seen anyone die? it's terrible. i hate hospitals.
--guess what!? i got two job offers, well they are just babysitting but still, i am so broke i'll do anything.
well, i am going to face the coldness and head to the gym, wish me luck!
-- julia :)

Sunday, January 23, 2011

fat--and fucking worthless

thinspo quote :
don't give in, temptation will pass and will remain

daay four!
wow, i can't believe it's day four already!
ate a piece of fruit for breakfast, and for lunch had a carrot stick and a saltine cracker with peanut butter.
went to the gym. ran for seven minutes on treadmill felt like i was going to pass out , switched over to the elliptical for ten minutes. stretched, did 50 crunches on the mat, and 100 on the exercise ball--what a sad workout!--after i weighed myself: 136 pounds. wtf? seriously. i had to double weight myself. i fucking hate the numbers on scales. ugh. i starve myself all weekend and this is what i get?
what i am doing wrong? how come i'm not losing weight? does anyone have any tips?
i must now go to the gym twice a day.
somebody pleaseee help me. i wanna be skin and bones....not a fat fucking whale
hopefully you're doing better at this whole thin thing than me girls.
keep believing !

Saturday, January 22, 2011

i feel so fat...

thinspo quote:
do not give up for what you want most, for what you want at the moment 

daaaay three
good morning girls!  i hope your saturday is going better than mine.
i ate today. i slept at B's room last night. terrible sleep. she blasted music all night. god i am so glad she isn't my roommate. while i was wide awake i kept thinking about food and what i was going to eat for breakfast this morning. i really wanted a breakfast sandwich at the time (its two english muffins with egg cheese and bacon in the middle) but, food is bad for you, if you wanna be thin. the original plan was just to eat a piece a fruit in the fridge in my room, but since i stayed a B's room we went down to the caf this morning, however, i didn't get a breakfast sandwich...i ate half a hard boiled egg, half a banana, and a cheese slice. i picked up M some cookies because he's still in the hospital (has brain damage) and i watched B eat her breakfast sandwich and toast--talk about will power!
but, i still feel fat! i know it was healthy and i got all the food groups in but it was soo much food. i felt sick after eating and thought about purging except i can't. in my residence my wing shares a bathroom and everyone would hear me.
i gotta run though, i'm off to visit M at the hospital and then hopefully later today hit the gym!
best of luck ladies.
remember bones are beautiful.
here's some thinspo for all of you:

Friday, January 21, 2011

still going strong :)

thinspo quote :
it's the moment you think you can't, that you realize you can!

daaaay two !
i haven't been happier ! today is going great so far :) i can't believe i have actually made it through the day without eating anything, just drinking a bottle of water! amazing...oh a guess what else: i went to the GYM today! woohoo! do you know what this means girls? i'm baacckkk! back on track. i believed i could do it and so can you!
i used to hate my university's gym but today wasn't so bad. i am slowly starting to guess used to the gym and machines. i did the elliptical for cardio. i went 30 minutes. tomorrow, it's running time. after the elliptical, i did 30 crunches on the mat, and 50 on the exercise ball :) tomorrow, i'll do 50 on both the mat and elliptical.
 i went to the school caf. i picked up a fruit cup and a veggie cup. if i have one pice of fruit in the morning, another for a morning snack, then a piece from the veggie cup for lunch, a piece for supper. that way, even though i am eating very little, my metabolism is still running :)
also, special thanks to my followers for all their support :) thanks for being there everyone! thanks for believing.
i can't believe i have 4 followers now! omg, that's so amazing.
love you all.
be strong, be safe... have a wonderful weekend :)

fat pictures. they always give me thinspiration...we don't want to turn up like these people--do we girls?
remember. please don't eat. think thin. we want to look like these girls :

i would do anything too look like these girls, would you ?

Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Beginning!

thinspo quote:
the beginning is always the hardest 

hey girls! :)
i think the quote i found is just perfect for today! i just have to make it through these next couple of days and get back on track of things.
so far, today is going pretty good! i haven't eaten anything and have drank two in a half bottles of water. in a few minutes i have to go meet my friend brittany in at the caf. i was planning on having the smallest size salad they offered, but i was sitting in class a few minutes ago craving pasta. pasta is carbs and as we all know carbs go straight to our stomach and hips and thighs. so screw pasta. i am never going to be thin if i eat that crap anyway. i am so hungry right now my stomach is aching. so ana is back! i feel her inside of me. i love that feeling.
i don't think i will get they chance of going to the gym today. but--i promise all of you that i'll go tomorrow.
stray stong, think thin :)
here's some of my favourite thinspiration :
i want to be her :) doesn't she just have to perfect body?

demi lovato is another big thinspiration of mine!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

first day, first post :)

thinspo quote :
i have control over myself.

day one :
i have control over myself. i can control what i can and can't eat. i can lose weight. ana is my friend. she's going to help me get pretty and thin.
i ordered clothes online yesterday. i ordered them all a size too small. so heres a tip for all you ana girls out there :
ANA TIP: buy clothing a size too small. that way you'll want to lose weight, so you can fit into your new clothing.
hopefully, by going to the gym and being on a water diet, i'll lose enough weight by the time they get here.
there's a saying that goes something like: we can do anything we put our minds too.
i CAN do this , so CAN you!
i believe in youu xx !
stay strong ana girls :)