Sunday, June 19, 2011

fathers day :)

hello ladies,

everytime i seem to go near the xbox, something breaks. the other day, i broke the expensive hdmi cord so my mom and i had to go out and get a new one, then we also bought dance dance revolution.
yesterday, i got blamed for taking a xbox game out of xbox and leaving it on the floor and then my dad stepped on it and it broke and my brother got all mad at me because apparently his friend was lending it to him and my dad had to go spend 60 dollars on a fucking new one.  

anyways, for fathers day my dad invited his cousin her husband and daughter are coming over for dinner and then their daughter who is a few years younger than me is staying for a few days.
hydroxycut has been helping a little bit i think, i've only been on it for three days. i didn't go to the gym yesterday and  probably won't go today, but i went friday and i'm pretty sure i gained since yesterday morning, well yesterday i did eat whatever i wanted.
i just wish i was thin. i want to be thin so bad, then i wouldn't be scared about going out. i would want go out. and i wouldn't hate myself when i looked in the mirror.
stay strong, thin think
-- J <3

Friday, June 17, 2011

all i want is to be wanted ...

hello ladies,
all i want is for somebody to want me, for somebody to love me. i want to be that girl who's always on a guys mind, when a msg from me pops up on somebody's phone, they smile and laugh. i want to receive text msgs from people and not always be the one sending them. a simple good morning text would make my day. i want to be the girl guys always check out when walking down the street. i want a guy to complement me and mean it. i want a guy who tells me i'm beautiful, i want i guy who will love me and make me believe in love and fairytales again.
is that too much to ask for?

k, my boss is really starting to piss me off. when i went away to uni she said i would be able to have my shifts back in the summer. i email her a few months before coming back telling her that i still want them, she says that she is getting rid of those shifts in the summer.
so today when i went to the gym, i stopped my work to say hi to the kids, i checked the summer hours sheet, my shifts were up there except she gave them to two other people when she promised i could have them this summer, so i had to remind her that she already promised me the shifts ...
i just want to be thin.
-- J <3 

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

i want another tattoo...

k so, i went shopping with my mom today. 
i got
five different color cami's sizes xs to s 
a pair of shorts size 26
stripped tank top size s
and two pairs of flip flops 

only problem? i don't fit into any of the clothing items. reason? i'm too fat. my mom said i would never fit into any of the extra small shirts because my boobs will be too big. i'll show her. 
ugh, i want to be thin so bad. 
on the way to the gym tomorrow, i am going to buy some hydroxycut and see if the pills will help any. 

oh, i'm thinking about getting another tattoo. right now, i have three stars on my right wrist. i want to get another small tattoo on my left wrist. 
why? i'm not sure if i mentioned before in my other blogs, but i self harm. i cut mostly on my wrists, words, lines whatever. most of the words i write are hateful ones. so, i want to get a tattoo that covers them. and hopefully i won't want to cut as much. 
except, i'm not sure what to get. i don't know if i want words or a symbol something telling me to stay stong. i want whatever i get to be meaningful as well, so if anybody has any ideas of what i should get, please feel free to share it with me :)!
stay strong girls, 
-- J<3

Monday, June 13, 2011

being thin isn't that easy

hello ladies,

i went to the gym on saturday and sunday. except i didn't really watch what i ate all weekend, fuck this whole thin thing isn't going well.
today's a new day, i'm going to try again. it's raining out, i don't feel like walking to the gym. i also have to go to the bank to cash a check so i can buy some hydroxycut...maybe the pills will help me lose weight faster.
i don't feel up to getting out of bed, i don't want to get up to go change the record that stopped playing. and i don't feel like eating. i'm going to try my hardest not to eat today. but as soon as i eat, i have to go to the gym.
i don't feel like doing anything basically. i might do the plank and sit ups on my yoga ball.
i keep trying to picture how good i'll look when i'm 100 pounds, and somehow i think it's going to be easy to get there. except i know it's not. i wish it was though. i just want to go back to school and walk into where D works to buy something, run into him, and have him not be able to get his eyes off me.
i don't know what to do anymore, why does this have to be so hard?

Friday, June 10, 2011

home sweet home

hello girls,

guess what?! i have big news. I"M HOME! :) and i couldn't be happier. i am so ready to become thin again.
right now, i am lying in bed with my cat lying beside me. i missed my cat so much.
i was unpacking the things i still haven't unpacked from school yet, all my dresser drawers are stuffed with clothes and my closet is so small and is stuff with hoodies...i haven't evens started unpacking from my trip yet, and have no where to put the clothes. my clothing hamper is already half full with clean clothes. plus, my mom brought me back some things when she was away. i think i need another room.
my great aunt who died a few months ago, had a record player it's been sitting in our basement for ever since she moved in with us about six years ago. i decided that i want to start collecting records.
my mom said they might have some at the second hand store, so we are going to go there tomorrow and look for some. also, we are going to check some yard sales.
tomorrow, i also want to plaster my walls with thinspiration pictures and go to the gym.
it's good to be back.
stay strong, think thin
-- J <3

Sunday, June 5, 2011

back to the country today

hello ladies,

i got a tumblr, i don't really like it that much, but then again i don't know how to use it really...
it's simply-thin.tumblr.com
i'm not sure if i'm going to use it as often as i use blogger, but who knows,
also if you have a tumblr i'd love to be friends on there as well, and follow you....maybe you can even sure me how to use it.

today's my last day with internet until i go home on friday, but on the bright side, i'm going home on friday!
there's five days until i'm home! yes, i know it's all i've been talking about for the last few blog posts, except i can't wait. i can't wait to get off that plane and see my family and friends, and of course go to the gym :)!
i'm starting back at the gym saturday, since friday i want to spend with my family because i haven't seen then since the end of april. and as much as i don't get along with my siblings, it will be nice to see them and of course my parents. yes, my parents do annoy me most of the time, but it will be nice to spend a little bit of time with them.
i'm not really sure what's going on for the rest of the week, but hopefully the weather will be nice because i want to work on my tan as much as possible because there's nothing better to do at my aunts.
by the end of the summer i was to lose at least 30lbs, maybe even more.
stay strong, think thin
-- J <3 xo.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

six days til home!

hello girls :)!
and new followers...

i messed around with my layout a little bit, so hope you like it, i really do.

guess what?! only SIX more days until i'm home and back to starving myself. i'm so excited. hopefully this week will go quickly,,,
while driving to the mall today there was a huge thunderstorm, people thought it was a tornado except it wasn't.
this is what i bought at the mall today:
one pair of x-small spandex shorts from Forever 21
a pink and white stripped tank top size small from Forever 21
and a cute grey and black one shoulder dress type shirt size small from Forever 21
lastly a black water proof eyeliner from Sephora 
-- kay so maybe i got a bit excited because i'm a size medium almost a size large so there's no way the x-small spandex are going to fit me anytime soon or anything else for that matter, so that just gets me even more pumped to start starving myself.
-- J <3

Friday, June 3, 2011

going home in a week!

in a week from tomorrow, I'll be back to counting calories and going to the gym twice a day, watching thinspiration on YouTube and looking through my thinspiration binder and of corse keeping the blog updated.
Right now I am at a mall waiting for my older cousin to finish work and come pick me up, sure I used to love the mall when I had a job and went with friends. Being here right now sucks. It's busy and I know nobody and have no money to spend on clothes. So basically there's nothing to do. I'm sitting alone in the food court with a bottle of water. My life is so sad fuck. The only good thing about sitting here right now is the hot guy that's sitting buy himself a few tables across from me. except of course I'm to ugly for him t notice me.
I'm thinking about getting a tumblur. Should I?
Think thin and stay sting girls ...
Hopefully your days are going better than mine!
Thanks for all the new followers as well!
-- j
ps sorry for the spelling errors ...