& she whispered below her breath, why can't i be more like HER.
hello ladies :)
-- i am so sick of studying. i haven't even studied that much. i hate how professors always cram everything so close together. this month is going to suck school wise. i have so many tests this much, my brain hurts just thinking about them. i just want it to be friday. i want to get my learners test over with and just relax with the new guy and not worry about anything. i'm so sick of nightmares as well. i just want to go home.
-- 30 days! that's how many days i have until spring breaks starts. that's how many days i have to lose 30 fucking pounds. that means i have to lose a pound a day. -- it probably won't happen, but i am going to try my hardest. i miss home. i miss my friends. i miss my old gym. i miss work. i miss my family and my cat. i'll make it, and when i go home, it's so going to be worth it. i am going to look amazing then. i can't give up. -- i'm scared to step onto the scale. i've been avoiding it and the gym. i'll get back on tract next week.
-- i haven't eaten anything today so far. i've had water, that's it. went to the cafeteria with B, left my wallet in my room on purpose. didn't get anything, even though the food was so tempting.
--i'm worried about this weekend. me and the new guy were talking about food. what i am supposed to do when i eat supper with him family? or breakfast? i mean, i can't say i don't want anything. that would just be rude. maybe i'll take really really small amounts of whatever they give me. fuck. this is so hard.
--i'm so stressed. i just want to go HOME.